I started writing tonight to see if I could get some of my emotions/thoughts out- turns out, my head is mush and I can't make sense of any of it enough to write. So I watched Deadpool instead, and now I'm onto Twilight.
But I did think of this poem I wrote around a month ago, and it rings true for me now. I feel such a mix of emotions- sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt etc. and think that's what I was trying to convey here. I hope it helps anyone else who is grieving, because all of these emotions are normal, which I have to keep reminding myself when it feels so bloody shit all the time.
“I cried myself to sleep last night
I did the night before
You may think I’m okay now
That my pain isn’t so raw
I tried talking out loud to you
I hate getting no reply
I have so many questions to ask
I just need to know why
I need you here to tell me
That everything will be okay
You used to tell me this before
As we got through another day
How dare you tell me we’d get through
When this was not to be
I thought that it would all work out
And now it’s only me
I’m feeling lost and broken
Walking this path alone
I so wish I could talk to you
I could just pick up the phone
So now my love I really need
A sign and guidance from you
It’s the only way I can make it
So please, just help me through”